Life Like

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.
So true, so true. In the 22 years I've been on this planet I've experienced many events and many emotions. My life was only a bit slightly more tragic than most. I've experienced a lot of loss, but I've also had a lot of good things happen to me. I met people that were understanding and caring. Those people are the best thing to happen to me. They helped form me into the person I am today. Although I've felt extreme sadness, I've also been lucky enough to feel euphoria. I'm sad today that even as a slightly new life on this planet I've been having feelings of regret. I caused some things to happen. Things that hurt people, and things that I can never take back. I live in regret. Maybe because the wound is slightly new, but it always has me wondering... when does that feeling fade? I've learned my lesson. I hit an all time low, but slowly day by day I'm recovering. I'm becoming stronger, more able to cope, but some days... it all comes back at me all at once, and hits me like a ton of bricks. How many days, years, months will it take to finally just not care anymore. I know what I need to do. I need to keep going forward. If I stand in one place to long I'll sink into quicksand. I know I'm speaking very cryptically, but I'm sure people get the idea. As much as it may feel like I'm the only one that has ever felt this way, I know there are millions of people out there that feel this way. I'm not alone and I'm not a bad person. I've just made mistakes and I've learned from those mistakes. A song that always comes to mind is that Red Hot Chili Peppers song. One lyric in particular, "And I don't ever want to feel like I did that day, take me to the place I love, take me all the way." Beautifully said. Perhaps I'm just the adult product of a misguided child. My childhood was full of tears and feeling alone. Constantly being berated and treated like shit. My mental disposition has improved greatly in the past few years, but I think I owe it too much to other people which causes me to become dependent. Dependent on love, affection, attention, and acceptance from people. If I know people love me than I believe that I am worthy. All I really need is to love and accept myself. I'm doing well with those two things lately, I just need to learn how to be consistent.
Time to be happy.