Life Like

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.
So true, so true. In the 22 years I've been on this planet I've experienced many events and many emotions. My life was only a bit slightly more tragic than most. I've experienced a lot of loss, but I've also had a lot of good things happen to me. I met people that were understanding and caring. Those people are the best thing to happen to me. They helped form me into the person I am today. Although I've felt extreme sadness, I've also been lucky enough to feel euphoria. I'm sad today that even as a slightly new life on this planet I've been having feelings of regret. I caused some things to happen. Things that hurt people, and things that I can never take back. I live in regret. Maybe because the wound is slightly new, but it always has me wondering... when does that feeling fade? I've learned my lesson. I hit an all time low, but slowly day by day I'm recovering. I'm becoming stronger, more able to cope, but some days... it all comes back at me all at once, and hits me like a ton of bricks. How many days, years, months will it take to finally just not care anymore. I know what I need to do. I need to keep going forward. If I stand in one place to long I'll sink into quicksand. I know I'm speaking very cryptically, but I'm sure people get the idea. As much as it may feel like I'm the only one that has ever felt this way, I know there are millions of people out there that feel this way. I'm not alone and I'm not a bad person. I've just made mistakes and I've learned from those mistakes. A song that always comes to mind is that Red Hot Chili Peppers song. One lyric in particular, "And I don't ever want to feel like I did that day, take me to the place I love, take me all the way." Beautifully said. Perhaps I'm just the adult product of a misguided child. My childhood was full of tears and feeling alone. Constantly being berated and treated like shit. My mental disposition has improved greatly in the past few years, but I think I owe it too much to other people which causes me to become dependent. Dependent on love, affection, attention, and acceptance from people. If I know people love me than I believe that I am worthy. All I really need is to love and accept myself. I'm doing well with those two things lately, I just need to learn how to be consistent.
Time to be happy.

Exhaustion

Oh I hear that. Last night Amanda, Vanessa, Chanel, and I were at the Palladium which is a hip-hop place in Modesto. Not really my scene, I'm usually the whitest person there. I had four delicious Washington Apples. We mostly talked, smoked cigarettes, drank, and ate delicious tacos on the patio. Vanessa and I were done with the place and went to Alex's for a bit. We were going to go to another place, but Vanessa realized she left her ID with Amanda. My stomach hurts today. I hate that. Vanessa and Amanda didn't end up leaving Alex's until 3 and I don't think Alex and I went to sleep until 4, and then had to wake up at 7 so I could go home and go to church with my parents. My mother's beliefs annoy the bejesus out of me. I am in no way religious. Church annoys me. My mom can't understand why I think it's OK for same-sex couples to marry. She said, "You think it's OK for two men to get married?" I said, "If they want to." She asked, "Do you think it's OK for animals to get married then?" and I said, "If they want to." What's so hard to understand about freedom and civil rights? She's only 25 years older than me. She shouldn't be so old fashioned. When I got home at 1 I passed out until 8:30PM and now I have school in the morning. -_- Time for change... AGAIN!

dia dos

As I lie here bed ridden due to whiplash, I'm enjoying the fact that I actually have to be lifted up by someone else because it is too painful to do it on my own. Unbelievable! Today was extremely eventful and adulty. First, I took the car over to B&B Saab Body Shop to get an "estimate" done. Hertz picked me up from there and within an hour my car was in the shop and I was driving a fancy Ford Focus rental! It's amazing how much your car insurance matters for that. I'm really glad the car accident was not my fault. I feel really sorry for the guy though.
Not much to report.
Maybe I'll end this with I have terrible gas.

headache

Today I was involved in my first automobile accident. It's definitely going to be an unforgettable event in my life. It's funny how people react when they've heard you've just been in a car accident. People ask first if you're hurt. No. I wasn't initially, but as the day wears on I seem to be stuck with an unforgiving headache and my wrist is experiencing mild discomfort. When I drive I typically have my left hand on the steering wheel and my right either at rest on my side, or finding a song on the radio. During impact I think my wrist was twisted at an awkward angle. My headache could have been caused by my head being slammed back into the seat.
...
I'll come back to this when I stop being bored with writing.